To snorkel or to scuba? (a metaphor for life)

I am taking steps to get my life feeling good again.  When I first discovered coaching and thought work, I was unstoppable.  The universe opened to me.  I saw possibility, and even if I didn’t see possibility, I knew it was there.  I had faith that I’m going to follow my true purpose and it’s going to be and feel amazing.

I got lost.  I let it slip away. Now it’s been feeling like  possibility is the ocean, and I’m just a snorkeller.  I can see it, but I never get to dive down and be a part of it.  Because people say it’s dangerous to go down there.  Because my fears tell me to watch from a distance.

I’m vibrating my old default vibration.  Day-to-day busy-ness.  I’m here but not really.  I’ve stuck my hand out a few times for help.  Signed up for a bunch of shit.  Lots of tele-classes, tele-seminars, nothing that I actually stayed engaged in beyond the first couple of classes.  It’s not their fault.  I just wasn’t ready.  Or maybe what they were offering wasn’t what I really needed.

It’s not enough.  Living this way.  It can be so much better.  I know this because I saw it!  I lived it for about 6 months before my old patterns crept back in. 

So the question is why?  Why did I go back to my old habits?

I think it’s because of a few things. 

Number 1:  I didn’t foster my new lifestyle and new mindset.  Change needs to be nurtured for a long f***ing time I’ve found.  Not just a quick 180 degree switch.  It needs to be coddled.  Daily.

Number 2: I was scared.  I saw a new world, a new life open in front of me.  I let the fear create doubt.  I scoffed at myself for attempting something so grand, for attempting to live outside of the norm. Get back in line, missy!  Who are you to get all of that happiness?  Get back into your job, your routine, and get that DQ blizzard while you’re at it!  Head down, work hard.  Also, I was afraid of what my old life would think of my new life.  More specifically, I was afraid of what the people in my life would think.  More specifically, I was afraid of what my PARENTS would think.

So where am I now?  Well, I see that there is need for a change.  I see where I was when I was feeling the best.  That’s not where I am now.  I love myself a hell of a lot more than I used to, though.  Love for myself is something that stuck. (perhaps now I’ll work on the unconditional part)  I accept that things aren’t going to be super duper fun all of the time.  I do not, however, accept that my life is going to be like this forever.  I want more.   And I am ready to enter my best life again.

I’m going to need help and support.  This is how real change occurs.  With help.  That’s what we’re here for.  To support and love each other.  Good thing I know exactly where to find such things!

Here’s my team:

1.  Christine Kane:  I signed up for her Uplevel Your Life program last night.  I feel so good about this.  This speaks to my soul.  I know this is going to propel me into something wonderful, and I can’t wait to see what that is!

2. Weight Watchers: I am heavier than ever.  Coincidence?  HA!  It’s been creeping on for about a year (funny, that’s about when the old default vibe started to infiltrate again), with the big finish coming  after an all-inclusive week in Cuba. (buffet=barf)   So, I’m ready to let it go, and I need some technical support to get it done.  That’s where WW comes in.  I’ve used them in the past, so I know that it’s do-able, and can actually be enjoyable.  The tracking appeals to my left brain, that nerdy scientist in me.

3. Me.  I intend to clear out my junky thought patterns and beliefs (make some room for awesomeness as a coach).  Nobody can do that but me.  Losing weight is also an inside job.  TRUTH. Instead of only taking physical action with WW, I’m going to use what I know about nurturing my spirit, pleasure, metabolism, and being active to return my body to it’s natural weight.  I will journal, I will set intentions, I will examine the beliefs that led to the weight re-gain, and I will move my body by running, doing yoga, and dancing.

4.  Him.  Yes!  There is a him!  He’s new in town, so I don’t want to get too excited here (but I am pretty damn excited), so let’s just say he’s good.  He’s very good.  To me. And to everyone he knows.  This special person sees me, and likes what he sees.  He’s in tune with his spirit and the spirit world.  My kind of man.

It’s time to say f*** it to the snorkelling gear.  I’m goin scuba diving.

Love, Rose

ps.  This may be my last post here, my website is going to be up soon, and you’ll find all of the goods there. (It’s rosecolouredlife.ca.  Stay tuned, I’ll tell you when!)